When I was 16 years old I was initiated into the medicine ways of my ancestors.
I had my first ceremony with a medicine that my dad uses as he is a guide, a road man, medicine man in the wixárikar tradition of Mexico. My ceremony consisted of being alone. My beloved father set a sacred space so I could be safe and have everything I needed. It was a room on the roof of our house. Our family altar and "despacho", a place where our whole family would meditate, pray and do ceremony.
I was afraid, as I had never taken the medicine before and I knew I would be showed in to worlds that I would have only dreamed about. I would be afraid to take the medicine with a group, so alone brought up for me every fear imaginable. I had never been in a ceremony where I had to be all by myself. I really never had liked to be by my self in life. I was scared of many things but one of the fears that was very obvious to my father as I was in the midst of being a teenager was: being alone. I always needed the company of others to feel safe in my world. I needed to be liked and approved by people around me.
I was resisting doing my ceremony as it was my introduction to my path as a Medicine woman. My father who is my guide, teacher, and best friend hugged me, cleaned me with Coppal incense, eagle feathers and blessed the medicine. He asked that I may be guided and protected in to my alonenes so I could understand it and have it be a friend and place to feel at home. I started crying as he was leaving but I stayed strong covered myself with my blankets and tasted the bitter taste of the medicine.
I could write a whole book about what I learned that night. The "secrets" that were revealed as the veil between what we think "reality" is and what it really is. My world was never the same, god was talking to me and I heard her everywhere in everything.
I learned from being alone with the guidance of the medicine how necessary it is for our spirit to take the time to be by ourselves. Alone time in life, meditation, ceremony in order to listen to the wisdom that is always present. The TRUTH is that we are never alone, there is love always present. This love can be found in a rock, plant, dog, another person, even an empty room if it was at some point filled with the laughter of children and still has that energy.
Love is in the air we breath, our heart beat, the blink of our eyes. This energy even when you feel all alone with not a soul to call your friend is always whispering "I love you" as you inhale the air it provided for you to be alive.
Ahhhhh that was 20 years ago and I had to remember this ceremony today as I did ceremony by myself. I am glad I took this day to go deep in to me. All the answers were given effortlessly. I feel my joy, I feel the gratitude for this love that always wants to love us up and remind us how bad ass POWERFUL, DIVINE and BEAUTIFUL we are.
We must be alone in our aloneness to understand that we are NEVER alone. Life is a constant paradox: you must learn to be alone in order to know you are always connected.